Lack of Direction

Well I promised that I would use thing more often, but I'm finding it hard to find things to talk about. I don't want to have an angst-ridden blog like the rest of the Blogging World.

I'm not sure that anyone even reads this.

I originally set this thing up so that I could keep my degree relevant. Because you never know what employers will look for. But, the longer I go without hearing from a job that I want, or am perfect for, the more downtrodden I become.

I start thinking..."what does it matter if I keep my degree relevant?" "Obviously I'm just not good enough for the arts or communications communities." "Why am I wasting my time applying to jobs that I'm not going to get?"

Which all inevitably leads to - "What is wrong with me? Why am I not good enough?"

Two years ago, almost to the day, I graduated from college, B.A. in Theatre Arts and Journalism in hand. I was full of hope, sure that it wouldn't be long before I had the job that I'd been dreaming about for four and a half years. I'd worked my butt off to get through classes, putting in extra time to teach myself skills that might come in handy in the real world. I learned HTML and WordPress and Illustrator. I dabbled in databases. Anything that I could use to my advantage.

Slowly, that hope faded away. I told myself that it was just the economy. The Enquirer had a hiring freeze. The Community Recorder just laid off a bunch of people. There wasn't room for me. And I understood that. There simply weren't jobs. How could I fill a position that wasn't available?

But now? There are jobs. There are plenty of jobs. I've been unemployed three times since I graduated from college. Once, it stretched out for over 2 1/2 months. I keep taking jobs that I don't want, just because I have bills to pay. And, then, a few weeks or months later, my employers figure out that I'm really not the person they're looking for, and I'm back to sitting on my couch, waiting.

I'm tired of taking jobs that I don't want. That I don't enjoy. This job I just started a month ago? Already makes me want to cry.

I have been SO close to getting that Dream Job. But I've only been called for an interview once in the past two years.

So, I ask again. What am I doing wrong? What is so wrong with me that I'm not getting a callback? What if my job history is hurting me? Taking these jobs that have nothing to do with what I want to do. My resume is cluttered with positions that have no relevance to Communications or the Arts. My degree is hidden in all the muck.

There are two positions open right now that I have the perfect skill set for. I sent in everything they asked for, sure that they would see how perfect I am for their organization. But I haven't heard anything. People are telling me to wait it out, not to give up hope on them yet. But how am I supposed to do that?

I want that optimism back. I want to be that 22-year-old, fresh out of college. I miss how sure I was that something better was just right around the corner. I'm losing hope that I'll ever get to do something I enjoy. I'm afraid I'm going to be bouncing from job to job for the rest of my life, getting more miserable by the week.

Why aren't they calling?

Anyone have advice?